Saturday, July 17, 2010

Today I Choose Me. But Tomorrow???

This has been a very revealing week for me. I've been to weight loss groups designed to tap into the deepest, darkest parts of your inner you-ness to figure out why I choose caramels (especially those with that happy little icing goodness middle) over carrots. I glean a little more about my drive, I try to watch out for my tendency to eat my emotions, to protect myself with food and flab.

But I am clearly needing remediation. Keep having to re-learn that lesson.

This has been a week of fat-lab experiments for me, it seems. My younger, fluffier shadow -- a German Shepherd of 2-ish years -- has been sick for quite some time. A problem she was born with likely, that we have known for a year that would cut short her time with us. This week we truly thought we were close to the end. Five vet/ER visits in 8 days, vet bills well into the four-figure range (six digits if you'd like to count cents), and sleepless nights. Our whole family was affected, natch.

By my rough estimates I figure I've hit the drive-through around eight times in eight days. Some were just for a jolt of caffeine, others were for heart-stopping fare. Through some miracle of God, we all survived the week, and we're on a little upswing for my shadow. Short-lived, maybe, but an upswing nonetheless. And somehow, I managed to escape the week with just a couple of pounds up.

Today I weighed in at 251. Sheesh. So not where I thought I'd be by now. But today I got out of bed and put on three things: my robe, my tennis shoes (yes!), and a better attitude. The robe lasted till I could get the coffee maker singing my song, then was swapped out for shorts & a T. The tennies are still there. When I wear them I stay moving more. The attitude is still going strong.

Started out with a cup of Joe, a shake, and then whipped up some whole-fruit/veggie smoothies for me and the fam.

I know that my staying fat isn't going to keep my shadow around longer. And it won't make me feel any better about losing her when that time comes.

Anyone up for reminding me of that tomorrow morning?